“Don’t seek for everything to happen as you wish it would, but rather wish that everything happens as it actually will - then your life will flow well.”
-Epictetus
Gentle ripples on Leeawuleena. Pentax MX, Cinstill 800, Feb 2026.
Two days after the return from our South-West ‘raftwalking’ trip, I was doing my daily yoga routine in the morning when something unexpected happened. I did the usual forward bend, and then the backward bend. When I came out of the backward bend, (note, the Camel Pose), I could tell something was wrong. My lower back hurt like hell and the best thing I could do was crawl into bed and lie on my side. When I went to stand up a few minutes later, agony. Couldn’t stand up straight. From one moment to the next, I was completely debilitated.
Apparently, this is a common story. It is usually by doing a routine movement that a disc will bulge or slip in the spine. In my case, years of abuse has led up to it. It turns out that discs, the softer bits of padding between the vertebrae have memory! Carrying heavy backpacks for years has compressed my L5/S1 disc to about half the thickness of the others. As my osteopath, Richard said: it was the last straw that broke the camel’s back! Yes, well in my case it was the camel that broke the Andy’s back! As the MRI later revealed later, that bottom disc, a crucial load bearing part in my spinal column was protruding. Thankfully, the disc did not impinge on any nerves, which can be the more problematic type of disc injury. Apparently heaps of people are walking around with bulging discs (a protruding disc is a more severe form of this) and never even realise!
Mt Ida. Pentax MX, Cinstill 800, Feb 2026.
Part of me enjoyed the two weeks of enforced rest. I was meant to be back at work but my body clearly said no. I had to stay at home and stay in bed. I spent two weeks on hardcore painkillers and relaxants, then transitioned to some natural tinctures and ointments once I was off the opioids. Many thanks to Bec and Marcella, naturopaths at Goulds for getting me on the chamomile sleep syrup so I could sleep, (I actually got to enjoy the taste after about a week of nearly gagging on it every time!) and for the comfrey and kunzea cream as a topical ointment for the pain during the day. Also, the curcumin tablets to bring down the inflammation and magnesium powder to relax the muscles overnight was a good combo.
Slowly but surely, and with the use of a lower back brace I was able to return to my day jobs and slowly start going about my life again. Regular visits to the osteo and physio, actually doing the homework they gave me, and a month later I was able to ride a bike, six weeks later I was paddling, and now, four months after the injury I am able to climb outdoors and have just returned from a 5 day guiding trip carrying a 15+kg pack. My back seems to have come good. For now.
I suppose if I am sensible and avoid any further 7 day portages with 30+kg packs, in particular up Gorilla Ridge, there is a good chance it will stay good in the future too.
(Whenever I see my friends, they tend to ask me, what’s your next adventure? My current answer is that I have just about recovered from the last one! I guess it is getting close to start plotting my next moves…)
Submerged rocks. Pentax MX, Cinstill 800, Feb 2026.
But it wasn’t just my back that had caught up with me after our return from the South- West. Oh no, this return wasn’t done with me yet!
Over the two months after my return, my relationship with my girlfriend went through a slow meltdown as well. I was told repeatedly that my behaviour wasn’t respectful, kind or understanding. I was forced to recognise that I have some behavioral patterns when it comes to my personal relationships that can only be seen as destructive.
My lower back injury followed by our break-up made it feel like the year of reckoning has arrived! My life really felt like it was falling apart, and I questioned whether I was really as good a person as I always believed myself to be.
Any break up comes with internal reflection, questioning and a realisation that we have work to do in understanding ourself. (Either that or it comes with denial and finger pointing). In my case I have been finding solace in a stoic book of philosophy that I got from my good friend Vito for my birthday last year. The basic premise of the stoic thought is that there is no use getting upset over things we cannot control. And the only thing we can control is our own reaction to situations. We choose our response. Everything else is out of our control. This is empowering because it means I can choose my response. I can be a kind person. I can be an understanding person. I can be a caring person. I can be accepting and wise. And I will be that in the future.
Reflections in alpine tarn. Pentax MX, Cinstill 800, Feb 2026.
The most useful technique for healing my shattered self was to sit by the creek for a while. In our mad, mad world, this would be my recommendation to anyone suffering from anxiety or simply feeling overwhelmed. Go and sit by a creek and be silent for a while. Watch the moving water and pay attention to your breathing. Breathe through your nose, into your belly. Nice deep breaths. Do that for a couple of hours. Try and quiet your mind and not think about anything at all. See what happens. The results are remarkable. You will gain mental peace, tranquillity and an acceptance of the cards dealt to you by fate and fortune. I recommended this technique to a friend recently. I was stoked to hear when she happily reported back to me that it really helped with her anxiety. And if you are thinking to yourself, sounds great Andy, but I am too busy to sit by the creek for a couple of hours, then I would argue that is all the more reason to stop rushing about and just go and sit by the creek instead. There is always time for the things we deem important.
Cloud reflections. Pentax MX, Cinstill 800, Feb 2026.
The idea that ‘change is possible’ was recently reinforced by a hypnotherapist that I had treatment from. The hypnotherapy part really wasn’t what I was expecting. I simply lay on my back and listened to the therapist tell me a narrative. She told me a simple story with five chapters.
1. You are walking down the street and you fall into a hole. You spend hours frantically trying to get out. Eventually, you succeed and escape the hole.
2. You are walking down the street and you fall into the hole again. This time, you remember how to get out and manage to escape a lot quicker.
3. You are walking on the street and yet again, you fall into the hole. This time, you climb out straight away.
4. You are walking down the street, but you see the hole this time and walk around it.
5. You choose a different street to walk down. This time, there is no hole in it.
Australia’s deepest lake. Which I am sure was a big old hole in the ground before it filled up with water!
Pentax MX, Cinstill 800, Feb 2026.
I guess life is just like that. We are bound to make mistakes, but we do learn. Sometimes slowly, and sometimes we do have to make the same mistakes again. But eventually we learn and we go on and continue. And perhaps one day we become wise and manage not to fall into the same hole again. Perhaps one day we may even figure out how to look after each other and our blue planet.
Our only planet.
-A.S. Brushy Creek, 4/4/2026